15th/18th/19th/22nd March 2016

Extracts from Facebook Page

15th

Well that was a sharp slap to the heart tonight. Went to the footie and another win and my own piece of respite from the world of grief and came home to find out that yet another fan has died of a cardiac arrest after the game. Football is taking too many of our men. What is going on here??? I feel desperately saddened for the family. I know their pain and they will walk my steps too now. Seeing all the messages on social media has just flung me back a couple of months. The biggest hugs ever go out to this newest family of broken hearts. (((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))

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I seek him here. I seek him there. I seek him everywhere. It seems at the minute that everything I do and everywhere I go ian should be here. On the plane I shut my eyes and hold out my hand for landing Ian always held my hand on landing. He never did on going up as he was always asleep by then lol. I walk through the airport and look up at the top where he used to wait for me. I can’t see him. He is not there. I switch my phone on when landed and automatically go to text him to say I had landed. I have no need to hurry to switch my phone on now. I close my eyes all the time and try and conjure him up beside me. Tis shit this widowhood world you know! I try so hard not to be sad. I try so hard to fake a smile. I try so hard all the time but it doesn’t bring my ian back. I am a wallowing widow tonight. I am sad but not down though. If that makes sense.

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18th

I am now moving towards the three month period. Nothing much has changed. Everything still remains unreal. Nothing gets any easier. Time might move on, but I remain in this limbo land of widowhood with all that it entails. I may have a brief period of respite, then I get hit with an emotion out of the blue. Some days I shed just a few tears. Some days I have my own little tsunami. But no day do my tears stay dry. The price I pay for having such a good man in my life eh!!

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19th

Doom and gloom. i am not having it. Good morning world and a wonderful pic from a guy that rarely stopped smiling. Today. I am going to smile and the rest of the crap can go feck one

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22nd

Ian and I did a lot of fun things together. Sometimes just us two, sometimes with the kids, and many times with a good bunch of great mates. Two of our closest mates are embarking on a new part of their lives and leaving the UAE tomorrow to return to bony Scotland. These two have joined in the fun and laughter, shared many holidays with us, was there by Ian’s side when he died, and supported me above and beyond the call of friendship at times. I am going to miss these two buddies so my post today is dedicated with some pics to two earth angels who are very special to both Ian and myself. Thank you Mags Feenie and John.

 

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