1st/2nd/4th/6th March 2016

Extracts from Facebook Page

1st

So much for a nice Spring start. When oh when do I get a break from all this horrible horrendous rubbish. I need to come home but cannot. Life is not fair. Death is fucking unbelievable.

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Some days, some hours, some minutes are extremely difficult to cope with. But I cope. Because there is no choice. I am in a deep hole but I am still determined to climb out of it. Come what may. I will climb out. I have to find the new me. Find the strength to get through legal rubbish. And then find the time to actually find who I want to be from now on. I will never give in. No matter how hard it gets and how woeful and sorrowful I get. I will never give in. Ian would never have expected less nor more. Do not worry. I am in a melancholic (probably not the right word. Ian used to so laugh at my own dictionary of words!!) mood with pressures that are not of my doing. But I am of strong blood. This is a blip. A big blip. But non the less, just a blip in this world of widowhood. Do not forget Denise. Tis still early days. I cannot run before I can walk, and I cannot walk until I can stand. But stand I will.

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2nd

Been very proactive today and booked a flight home for a week next week. Yehhhh

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4th

After a fairly awful week I forced myself to go out tonight with friends and have a few drinks. It was a good friendly evening with lots of laughs. It did me good but at the same time I felt the massive impact of missing Ian. What makes you better can make you more sensitive to the reality. Here is my lovely man enjoying a wine.

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6th

Another very sad day. Had to put to sleep my lab. Ian bought him for me 11 years ago. He is out walking with ian now.

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