1st/5th/8th April 2016

Extracts from Facebook Page

1st

I have come away with my daughter and son in law to Sri Lanka to kick start my healing journey. I cannot mend my broken heart but I can start to work on my mind and soul. I have never been here before so I am not haunted by memories. It is a beautiful place.

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5th

Getting away to Sri Lanka has been very therapeutic. The country is beautiful and good for the soul. My big black cloud above my head has chinks of light now and I know I can keep moving forward. I accept that my pain will not go away and I accept that I will always miss my husband. I also accept that I can have a glimpse of happiness even during these early days of grief, and that this is quite alright to do so. Ian would have loved the wildlife side of Sri Lanka. Monkeys swinging from trees outside the balcony. Leopards just walking past the truck on the Safara trip. Even the big elephant chasing us. He would have loved the sunsets and the chilling out. Sometimes it felt very sad that I wasn’t sharing these new experiences with him. Strange thing is that I have dreamed of Ian nearly every night since being here. Just normal stuff. Nothing with messages in. Normal day to day stuff. Previously I have only had just one dream with Ian in. Maybe it is because the mind is more settled. I like the dreams. It feels like I spend the days without him, but he is around in my sleep. I won’t complain about that! Here are two pics of Ian on an elephant nearly a year ago in Thailand.

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8th

Memory pop ups on facebook………….I seem to be getting them all the time now. This was 8 years ago and Ian getting his first company car. The Avalanche. It was some huge beast this one. But I wasn’t allowed to drive it! Because, the one behind, was my baby, and on day one I back it out of the drive, forgetting to open the big gates and the whole lot came down onto the car. Got that fixed. Couple of days later, I backs out of the drive, gates open this time, and straight into a van just sitting there. Fixed that dent. And within just two weeks of having this car, I reversed at school when collecting Scoot and backed into a lamppost. Yep Ian. You was right. I wasn’t to be trusted driving your baby!! He make sure I had reversed warning hazards on my next car lol.

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