20th/21st/22nd February 2016

Extracts from Facebook Page

20th

After a difficult night of stress I am now Dubai bound again. Hopefully will be able to move forward with legal matters because this stuck in limbo is just not healthy. A lot of emotional strength required right now Here’s my Ian at another fancy dress. And he played golf in this lol.

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21st

I managed to smuggle in my ash infused teddy bear through customs without getting stopped for what would really look like drugs stuffed inside this cuddly thing. I have to say, this teddy is very comforting and it was lovely to bring him back to our main home and snuggle up overnight. Strange, before Ian went, I always thought ashes should stay in one piece. In tact. One wholesome unit. But not now. Now I want to spread Ian all over. I will bring some back for the 18th hole here. A place he loved to sink his balls into the water (well, not loved exactly!) . The family will definitely take a trip up to Fort William and take some of Ian up Ben Nevis as this was one of our regular holidays for us and the kids and grandkids. Some of them need to go to Yorkshire somewhere too. A place he remained forever proud of, but in no one spot. And of course, I will keep some of Ian for when I go. See, Mr Midgley. You will be here, there, and everywhere bloody where. And that’s just the way I think he would have liked it. Todays photo is Ian doing what he loved to do best (or worst!)

Denise Midgley's photo.

 

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22nd

Mixing tiredness, stress, shortage of food and alcohol does not bring out the merry widow in me at all!! Complete breakdown last night because of all the afore mentioned. Think I scared some of my closest mates a little and for this I apologise. I ended up a complete wreck. Wailing like a banchee, and basically just wanted to end it all. Now, I have researched a lot on widowhood, and I think we all go through stages of wanting to be with our loved ones to a point where we are wailing around, but this does not mean that we are, in fact, suicidal. It means we are having a melt down. The pressure has got to us, and we are lashing out at the world against us. I do not know the percentage of widows that actually commit harm to themselves, but I am pretty sure that number is fairly low. The pain can be immense and we go through the woe is me scenario, and we can be bloody insensitive to the feelings of others around us. We don’t mean to be. It is the pouring out of immense grief. I hope that all those women following in the same footsteps as myself, have such good people around them as I do when they hit the floor. Last night was a car crash. Today has been a bumpy road. Lets hope tomorrows journey can take a little of a smooth ride. Even for an hour or so. Long live us widows! We are here to stay. Do not be scared of us. We are just wounded animals at present. Special thanks to those that scrapped me off the floor once again. These people are my human guardian angels, and I remain forever thankful to them xx


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