25th/26th/28th January 2016

Extracts from Facebook Pages

25th

Only in the UAE…………….felt like shit for a couple of days and the panic attacks are getting slightly worse so along to the local Drs I go…………..just a few of the things he said to me……………why you cry, it is gods way………….get a grip of yourself……………..I can get you a priest…………..don’t worry, you will join him soon………………….and even shouted a few times at me……………………and my BP was 180/100 but its my fault because I was making myself panic………then he wanted to admit to hospital for two days to get some sleep!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, got out of there before I could punch his lights out, went to the pharmacist and got some beta blockers to take just now and again………..felt much better.

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26th

My Ian had a fascination for Dummy books. Neuro-linguistic for dummies; body language for dummies; cognitive behaviour for dummies: business development for dummies; psychology for dummies; Facebook for dummies; golf short game for dummies etc etc etc. Probably over 50 dummies books. Now where the feck is the widowhood for dummies cause I dont think there is one!

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Well today has been a much better day emotionally. Managed to go through some paperwork. Out to dinner with friends. Have a plan of attack for the near future and not cried too many tears today. Not to say I wont when I try and go to sleep in a bit! Night times are always the worst. But hopefully my mind will not wander too much tonight and I can try and at least have half a decent sleep. Doesn’t mean I don’t miss him any less. Just means today I learnt to breathe a little easy and get some respite for the horrible times to come. Today I didn’t wilt quite as much!!

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28th

Shopping for one……..now that’s a fairly new concept! In the UK I have two others to feed. Here in the UAE it is now just me………..plus 4 dogs and 2 cats. So I bought a loaf of bread (small), milk (small), grapes, little round cheeses, a pizza (I don’t even like pizza), 400 fags, 3 massive big bags of dog food, 3 boxes cat food and cat treats. That’s my groceries done! Oh and some mints because I must just reek of fags now!! I don’t like this widowhood thing one little bit!

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Flights booked to go home on Tuesday though it might have to be just a flying visit due to UAE court dates for probate. This process could take months and I hate being in limbo. I cannot make plans to come home permanently or to maybe stay here for the time being etc. I hate that part. I am a planner and I cannot plan. I don’t want to leave the UAE just yet as it will break my heart as this was our main home, but at the same time I know I need to get back to the UK to start to move forward at some stage. Take each day as it comes and what will be will be. I lay my trust in Ian to continue to look after me, so when I start to panic about things, I try so hard to think its ok, nothings bad will happen that hasn’t already happened and whatever decisions I will make will be the right ones, cause Ian is guiding me. Miss you Mr Midgley x


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