8th/9th February 2016

Extracts from Facebook Page

9th

My picture today is Ian as a local x

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A whole month tomorrow since I started this blog group thingie. Six weeks and a day since Ian left me. Just looking back through my posts and I am pleased to say I am no longer (at present!!!!) drinking copious amounts of alcohol and I do not require a sleeping pill every night. If the going gets tough, I will have a vodka. If the nights are tough I have a pill. But its not 7 nights. Now this is not to say that I will not be hitting anything hard in the future as I am well aware that I may be very much still in the ‘shock’ stage. I am busy with working out legal matters, and flying between countries, that I do not have time very often to sit and think. Now this may be a blessing in disguise, or it may, in fact, be dangerous for me, as I am plastering up the pain of singleton, with other issues flying around my head Time will tell of course and what will be, will be. However, I have to say, even though the road has so far been bumpy, hurtful, painful, emotional, traumatic etc etc. I am bloody proud of myself and bloody thankful for the huge amount of support I have had to allow me to be proud of myself. There are some very special people out there who have picked me up off the floor, shoved me forward, or let me drown them with my tears. I am also very proud of them x

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9th

Ian doing what he did best…posing lol

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See. I spoke far too soon saying I was proud of me last night. That came and bit me on the bum didn’t it!! Tough night made even tougher by just going to lock the front door. Something I have done every night here myself since Xmas. But tonight I heard my voice of months ago echo round the walls…”have you locked up Ian”. Something I said most nights for years. Why did that affect me tonight?? I stumbled up the stairs in big fits of sobs. A pill is definitely required for sleeping I think! When the going gets tough the tough sometimes can’t bloody cope.

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Life can be very hard when you want to ask your hubby about advice. Ian and I bounced off each other very well (and I don’t mean in the sexual way haha). But we did make a good team. Now my team just consists of me and I am trying to rely on – What would Ian tell me to do: What would Ian advise me on: How would Ian handle this. Am I second guessing, or is Ian sending me advice through my own thought process. I miss him every single second of the day. I think about him every single second of the day. Why is there no skype in the other land where he has gone??? It is frustrating, hard, and heartbreaking. I so so so want him here right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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