9th/10th January 2016

Extracts from Facebook page

9th

Well I have finished my speech for the funeral……………..it says………….thank you for coming…………….haha

Done nearly a thousand photos today on facebook. Something always to treasure. Got a few blown up in frames as well and put them around the house so I feel Ian is looking at me from all angles. I like that

Bit of a melt down day today. Went to get photos done for the service and couldn’t stay in the shop so sat outside on a bench having a fag. Next door to me was a woman………..lets just say of a jeremy kyle sort of woman, and I said to her…………………looks like we might have rain…………and she said…………….i dont care……..my son died xmas eve…21 years old. Sudden. So we spent 15 minutes swapping stories and gave each other a hug at the end. Doesnt matter where you come from or what your background is………hurt is hurt in all sorts of life. A good lesson today. Then came home and hit the vodka at 3pm as felt very scared of the future. Took a couple of hours to knock myself out of it…………..not with the vodka……………..just cried and felt sorry for myself………………but a bit better this evening. Life’s a bitch eh!

decent five and half sleeps without a pill. impressed

10th

Seems like melt downs are a daily occurrence now. Had Dom and little ones round and Andy and Lisa which was lovely but maybe too many people all at one time for me to handle. Went into the kitchen to eat some slag big from fridge and ended up smashing the bowl plus another one against the wall. Just feeling I couldn’t cope. I hate it. Absolutely fucking hate it. Anyway. Sue came round and I got a bit more vodka down me and calmed down. Life is a roller coaster. Each day is a roller coaster. This week is worse. Next month will be worse. But take each day as it comes. I don’t want to be I this club. I don’t want to be a widow. I don’t want to be without Ian. But I am. And that’s it. Tough shit Sherlock

 


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