9th/10th/12th/14th March 2016

Extracts from Facebook Page

9th

This was Ian 3 years ago to the day at the Oil Barons Ball. We were never into designer stuff, but for this occassion he splashed out on an Armani Suit. Two days later I took it to the dry cleaners in Dubai and they emmmmmm put it into the washing machine. Completely ruined and no compo lol. But he wore it for one night, and doesnt he just look an handsome dude.

Denise Midgley's photo.

 

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10th

Blocking….. I am beginning to block emotions out which I am sure is not good for me. Don’t get me wrong. I think about Ian every second of the day. Constantly. But I can’t think about Ian and the D word. Ian plus D does not go together in my head at all. And when it comes to the forefront, I block. This doesn’t stop me still breaking down and crying etc but I feel a massive wave approaching so I block. I am scared to go through that wall and nor do I want to. I just hope the tidal wave is just not getting bigger and bigger and will come over my wall before too long!

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12th

Jealousy. I look at other couples and feel jealous. This is in real life and on TV. I look at men older than Ian was and think why are they still here and he is not. I do not wish ill of any of these people, but I feel like a five year old that needs to scream “It’s so unfair”. And you know what? It is so unfair!

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14th

Widowhood makes you hardened to the ‘flights’ of others. No matter what other people are going through (unless it is bereavement) I think……….you have your husband. Your kids have their dad. You loved one is still alive. The ‘woe is me’ doesnt wash with me anymore. Even more so, when my children are faced with things like that too, when they feel distraught because of their loss. Unless we can identify with someone else’s pain, then that pain should be passed elsewhere for now, as grieving families cannot nor should cope with other’s problems that, fair enough, are tough for them, but not as tough as we feel right now. Nothing is as final as death. Nothing.

 

 

 

 


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