It seems like a very daunting week this week. Ian’s birthday is on Sunday and it feels like the biggest hurdle yet to get through. This one hurts far more than my birthday or anniversary or 3 month, 4 month 5 month etc etc etc. I have decided to throw a barbecue on the Saturday for a house warming and to celebrate Ians birthday. I ummed and ahhed over this decision but I feel ok about it now. I also want to go and get a tree or shrub or something to plant in the garden too. Something that will flower or bloom. Not sure yet what. Will have a wander around the garden shops and something will grab me. It feels immensley sad to not have Ian here to be 55. Maybe thats why it feels horrible. He never got to be 55. Its wrong. It is actually that simple. It’s just plain wrong.