Oh the life of a widow can be bloody rough at times. You think things are getting easier then boosh it kicks you in the gut again. I think I am strong but then find I am weak. I think I am weak, but find I am strong. I even tried a bit of dating. Wanted to be wanted. But oh my god that is such a mistake. Dating someone who is not Ian is like eating dog shit. Not that I have ever tried eating dog shit of course!! I won’t find another Ian no matter how hard I try and dating just makes me miss him even more. Bollox to that. I am in a hole because I put myself there. I became vulnerable whilst I thought I was moving forward. No such thing!! I am a sorry mess of a widow. Wallowing in widowhood. Hey ho. Death is shit. Life can sometimes be nearly as shit. Also I think it is because I am off to Liverpool at the weekend for the football. I am so stressed about it but have to go. Maybe I can find some peace by going. Maybe I can go and just get wasted after the game. I am feeling sorry for myself. I will allow it to be so, just for now!!!