9 Months

9 months tomorrow. Wow. How did that happen? 3/4 of a year gone. Many milestones jumped over. Some days just as hard as the first, some days not as hard, but still painful. Every day, every hour, every minute, you remember. Someone asked me the other day………do you still think of him a lot…….and I said……every second. Ian is as constant in my mind as every breath I take. Oh that sounds very sombre, but it is true. I live with my hands, my feet, etc etc and I live with Ian. He is a part of me as every other bit of my body. I still do a lot of blocking. There are many photos around the house, and I can just take one glance and I well up. Then I block and have to move or do something because it gets too much. People think because you carry on laughing, and living, that you have moved on. This will NEVER be the case. You learn to live with it. There is no other choice. But you never move on. You move forward, dragging it all along with you, like a big heavy burden that you actually never want to get rid of. 9 whole months without Ian. It just seems so impossible, but it is so true, which is the tragedy of it all.

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