A part of grieving, so the books say, is anger towards the person who died. I never felt this. I never felt angry at Ian for dying. It wasn’t his choice. He didn’t mean to go. This was a part of grieving that I thought the text books had wrong! Nope.. they were right. I am very angry at Ian for leaving me with a pile of grief to pick up and try and sort out and all the emotional kicking I get from that. Now I am angry at him. Hurt and angry. The whole turmoil of family fallout is horrendous and soul destroying. And absolutely bloody needless. Not only did I lose my husband I lost the right to see my two granddaughters and both step children have behaved appallingly. Now I know this is my side of the story etc etc etc but I also know I can hold my head up high and say I have not done anything that I am ashamed off or is immoral or lied etc etc etc. I have continued to try and understand and support them all but to no avail. When do you say enough is enough? When do you turn your back and walk away? When do you realise that no matter what you say or do or how right you think you might be, you are constantly hitting a brick wall. I cannot explain the pain of not seeing the little ones. They lived out in Dubai and were a massive part of my life there and also back in the UK. particularly the eldest at 5 years. We were very close. How must she been feeling that she can’t go and visit nana. I can’t even say that it’s down to grief that people are behaving in this way. That’s being too kind. It’s disgusting. It’s unwarranted. It’s bloody cruel. So Ian. I am angry. I am angry cause I loved your family and they have shit on me and this would not have happened have you not gone and bloody died

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